"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
