i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
