Already got asked if we're dating
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
