I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
