So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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