If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Oh god it's open bar.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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