Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
