WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize