Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
