dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
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