she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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