White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
