I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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