is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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