he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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