Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
