He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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