Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
