I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
