There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
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