Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
