By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
