eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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