i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
