Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Randomize
