On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
