I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Randomize
