Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
