Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I want her autograph on my taint
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
