i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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