Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
