Farmville is her only friend.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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