Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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