I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
