It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
