That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
