the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
