I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Randomize
