when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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