Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
