Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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