he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize