I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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