Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
