I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
