Sry I called you an 8
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
