do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
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