I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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