She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
