Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
