I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
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