remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
