it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
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