he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
