Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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