woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
