? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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