yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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