Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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