Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Randomize
