Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I CAN MOONWALK!
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
be right there i have to get my cape
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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