Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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