that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
