Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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