My girlfriend figured out who you are.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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