after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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