just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Randomize
