I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
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