They should really pass out barf bags in church
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
