My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
the room spins SO much faster in panama
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
