You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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