She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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