Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Randomize
